Ideas for the Browns vs Lions

Some ideas for the Browns in their big game vs the Lions:

• Take advantage of a fellow 1-8 team by scoring a touchdown, preferably with a WR or a RB, which hasn't been done all year.

• Ask the Lions if they have any other players like Shaun Rogers they'd like to trade us before the game starts.

• Play Bernie Kosar at QB and Jim Brown at RB.

• At halftime, ask Lions if they will "go halvesies on a tie."

• Seriously, even if every lineman has to hold or Quinn has to throw several illegal chop blocks that get the play called back, just cross the goal line and see how it feels.

• Switch uniforms with the Lions before the game and see if anyone notices.

• Get wasted. That's how I get through the games, might help you too.

• In the event of a Browns win, the team should jubilantly carry Mangini off the field on its shoulders ... and then keep carrying him out of the stadium, to an overpass and throw over the fence into oncoming traffic.

• In the event of a Browns loss, see previous bullet point.

• After the game, conduct a ceremony at midfield where the Lions owner symbolically hands over control the 2010 No. 1 pick. This could be done in a variety of ways, but I think I'd go with the Lions owner pooping directly into Lerner's mouth.

• Screw Michigan, Go Bucks!

• Seal the stadium up and fill it with a toxic gas so everybody dies. Then every Sunday thereafter, Browns and Lions fans would celebrate the day their misery ended.

Enjoy the game, everybody!